Seeking experiences over things for our kids

Walking in Colorado

Summer is here. If your family is anything like ours, you’re excited for the freedom of longer days, warmer weather, and chances to get out in the world. Summer can be one of the easiest and most fun times to sneak some minimalism into your life with a simple practice: enjoying experiences over things.

An “experience” can be something big and extravagant, like taking that vacation you’ve longed for, but it can also be something simple. Young kids are excellent reminders that we can find wonder and fun in simple things. (If you’ve ever looked at a puddle or stream with a toddler after a rainstorm - I mean, really LOOKED at it - you know what I mean. Hours of entertainment!)

When it comes to valuing experiences over things, life recently gave me an opportunity to put my money where my mouth was. At seven months pregnant, I was laid off from my job. That week, we also pulled our toddler, Milo, out of daycare, and I began spending all day, every day, chasing him around as my belly grew.

Overnight, I had gone from full-time researcher to full-time mom. Like a train that’s been abruptly rerouted, I put all my planning energy into looking for fun, educational ways to keep Milo (and myself) busy.

One of the first things I learned was that we did not need more stuff. We live in a three-bedroom apartment, and while this is plenty of space for the three humans in our family, it does not leave a lot of extra wiggle room. We don’t have a basement or attic, and work hard to keep “clutter” out of our living spaces. For example, all of Milo’s toys and books fit neatly into his room, his closet (when they’re not actively in use), and a corner of our living room. We love this arrangement, because cleanup never takes more than a few minutes, and because our toddler’s attention span only has room for a handful of toys on any given day, anyway.

Once he stopped going to daycare, what Milo really wanted was time with, and attention from, his parents. Similarly, what I wanted (aside from a daily nap) was to get out of the house and watch him discover the world.

So, I set to work planning some experiences.

My first step was to research - and, where necessary, schedule or pay for - activities that could keep us busy each week. A few things made this possible: 1) free community resources, like library story times and visitor hours at a local farm that houses chickens, goats, horses, and other animals to fascinate the toddler brain; 2) a few weeks of severance pay from my job - an immense privilege that helped me purchase two activities (a weekly toddler gymnastics class and an annual membership to the Denver Children’s Museum); and 3) the summer weather, which opened up a whole outdoor world of Colorado possibilities: playgrounds and sandboxes, parks and sports fields, and walking trails.

Next, I made a list of all these activities and categorized them in ways that would help me make quick decisions about what we’d want to do. For example:

• which activities were indoor, and good for rainy or unbearably hot days?

• Which were scheduled for a set time every week, and which could be done more spontaneously?

• Which were free, and which required some cash?

• Which required a change of clothes and more extensive diaper bag packing? (Hello, splash pad!)

• How long would each take?

• Could we walk, or would we need to drive?

• Which would make good play dates or meet-ups with friends?

Then, I set aside 30 minutes each Sunday to sit and map out the week. I looked at my list of categorized activities, compared it to other appointments and obligations, and filled in any free mornings or afternoons with an activity that fit our needs. For example, during the week when our car was in the shop (broken AC in June - the worst!), we spent a few days at nearby parks, invited friends over for a play date, and took Milo’s training bike and a bag of chalk to a pavilion in our neighborhood. During a week when I had a lot of prenatal medical appointments, I scheduled outings that took less time but still felt special, like stopping at a froyo place and ducking into the Louisville library’s children’s section to play with the model train and pretend kitchen. When I needed some adult interaction, I scheduled a class or structured activity where I could chat with parents, or had Milo tag along on a friend visit or errand (have you ever noticed how many bizarre things there are to see and learn about at the grocery store?).

Milo is a joy, and a sponge for information. He makes it easy for me to have fun in these spaces. I try to encourage Milo to interact with (meaning, at this age, acknowledge the existence of) other children, play with different toys, open books, make noise (outside), say “hello” and “thank you,” and name the colors of random objects (when I can catch his attention).

There are, of course downsides to pursuing experiences. For example, interacting with the world means interacting with germs (everyone in my house is currently getting over a summer cold). More outdoor play also means more bruises, sun, but bites, and dirt. And, as a pregnant person, getting out of the house requires energy that, sometimes, I don’t have, requiring us to skip an outing and watch Blue’s Clues.

But overall, I have found that focusing on experiences for the past few months has left me feeling more fulfilled, and I hope it has given Milo more chances to explore, engage with people, and learn.

I would love to hear from you! What is one experience you and your child have LOVED this summer? For example, was there an activity, class, or concert that made their eyes light up? Something unusual in the weather or in your neighborhood that made them ask, “what is THAT?” What has sparked their curiosity, and are there ways to incorporate more of that experience into your summer?